FROM THE FILM SCHOOL OF CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATION
Jonah Hex
*
Review by Paul Preston
If you see “Jonah Hex”, I dare you to remember it. This summertime graphic novel adaptation is full of stuff the filmmakers think you want to see with no care given to actually reasoning out why said stuff should be paraded in front of viewers.
Josh Brolin plays a bounty hunter and former Civil War soldier who is called upon to track down Quentin Turnbull, an 1800s terrorist who has gotten his hands on a weapon of mass destruction. Turnbull is the same man who, in a fit of revenge for the death of his own son, killed Hex’s family and horribly disfigured his face. There is also a level of the supernatural here that gives Hex the power to talk to and raise the dead. Oh, and he has a huge machine gun.
The shoddy filmmaking on display here dooms “Jonah Hex” from the start. Director Jimmy Hayward wants to have fun with the anachronisms of a sci-fi-laced, mystical old west, but instead of living in it and kick-starting a genre, he gets caught up in hack action scenes.
The actors might have been able to save this, and much has been made of Josh Brolin being the shining light in this sinking ship, but even his grumble gets tiresome fast. Which is to say he’s good, but the concept of a dude with his mouth half-shut growling through a feature-length movie isn’t appealing. It’s like mumblecore in the old west. Brolin has appeared in so many prestige projects lately (“No Country for Old Men”, “Milk”, “W”), that I guess he wanted to do something in search of mass appeal. Please stop. You’re SO good in everything else, avoid the summer movies at all costs or fear becoming Billy Bob Thornton, who can no longer cross back into anything of substance.
John Malkovich further nails the coffin shut on his serious acting career. It’s SO SAD to see that this guy hasn’t ATTEMPTED to give a performance that means anything in years. Nowadays, he just takes parts where he can be over-the-top and perpetuate his “I’m a loon” late career goals.
Will Arnett is hilarious, but “Jonah Hex” is proof that he won’t become a crossover comic any time soon. Megan Fox is a non-presence, showing up to make you swoon and then actually looking offended that you don’t. Wes Bentley is determined to make you forget that you first saw him in “American Beauty” and thought at the time he had promise, and the worst offense is that the great actor Michael Fassbender even appeared in the project, after such a top-notch performance in “Inglourious Basterds”. Stick to the fringe, Michael.
Most of the ‘score’ was by the rock group Mastodon, to desperately remind you “HEY! We’re not a stodgy old western, we’re hip! Please like us!”. VERY quickly, their pounding rock pummels your head to the point of needing Tylenol. There is some orchestral presence by Marco Beltrami, but most of the time, Hayward wants to make up for the lack or real action by backing whatever’s happening with unrelenting rock. It doesn’t work.
And take this for what it’s worth. Listed among the thirteen producers for this film is “Friends”’ Matt LeBlanc.
Opening “Jonah Hex” opposite “Toy Story 3” could be considered counterprogramming, but it also could be read as “we have no faith in this”. That attitude is also seen in the production quality. The special effects don’t meet Warner Brothers-summer-blockbuster standards. That money must’ve gone to “Inception”, which I know the studio has HUGE hopes for. I’m shocked “Hex” didn’t get dumped in late, late August, if not the fall.
“Jonah Hex” has a running time of 81 minutes, another sign that the filmmakers really didn’t have a lot to present us here. And stop me if I’m overreacting or using too-strong words, but I was offended by how short this movie was. Ninety minutes is usually the minimum for a comedy or animated film, with most other stories running longer. These credits run so long, the actual time the movie is being told is not much more than an hour. They should pay US for them doing so little work.
Directed by: Jimmy Hayward
Release Date: June 18, 2010
Run Time: 81 Minutes
Country: USA
Rated: PG-13
Distributor: Warner Bros. Pictures
